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Deida 3: Polarity gone the way of The Handmaid's Tale

Do you like the picture or do you feel embarassed?

The illustration appears in a narrative "coaching" contribution by one of the three male coaches in the open Facebook group of "Relationship of your Dreams".

In this coaching piece, the author instructs women on the dragon/slayer-like deep nature of men (the author isn't quite precise whether dragon or slayer).

And he tells women why they should leave the dragon in peace in his cave.

It's truly worth reading, if only because it might be read as highly amusing satire. The author clearly hasn't outgrown his fascination with dragons and sexy virgin-damsels-in-distress.

Him being a coach and implied role model, I guess that he imagines himself to be either the dragon or the dragon slayer.

Here is a short selection of how he regales women:

Who the hell do you think you are! Never bite the cock that feeds you (sic!) . Have some dignity woman. Show some grace in your character
Mind your own, so that he can remain free to keep you safe from himself without any irritating effort, and not need to put you back in your place.

Leave him in peace as even without you he is

"receiving wisdom from every thought, alone in that stoic cave":

Isn´t this like "heck with what other kind of nonsense can I come up with and they think I really mean this.."

Yes, women: "don´t molest him in his peace". This is the less intellectual derivate of Deida´s advice to women (verbal quotes).

  • "If you want his energy, you make him into a woman" [so leave him in peace and nothingness]

  • "Your demand to share his energy with you is like pure abuse" [so leave him in peace and nothingness].

  • She should let go of "her neurotic need to be in charge"

In fact, it's all a trash Deida derivate, stripped of the "spiritual" content.

Female reactions: looks like "50 Shades of Grey" to me!

What was quite incredible to me: many women swoon over the contribution and even the soft porn pic. Apparently it reflects a side of the female psyche that was unknown to me. My bad! Assembled quotes:

"I just read this and it is so to the point and so powerful and very confronting.."... "I just loved the way this made me feel".."I feel inspiration and desire with this writing.." "Wow. So much truth in that..."..Powerful symbolism, stripped back with rawness and truth.."

Well I don't judge kink, why should I judge this generalised facet of "50 shades of Grey"? It's every woman's free choice, and maybe I will one day find such a radiant and submissive woman!

The Relationship of your Dreams group : dominance + devotion + submission + radiance

The group was founded by Zak Roedde, an ex pick-up artist, who purports to have introduced himself to over 10.000 women, and to have had sex with 500 if I get him right.

Envy - don´t raise your head! His ideas are - in my view - a bit .. well... find your own words.

The ideal relationship: the promise

This is what you get if as a couple you follow his advice:

conflict, drama, and bickering just do not happen

No wonder: she has learned to shut her mouth, to spare him the "irritating effort of putting her in place" (see above).

In today´s more scientific thinking about relationships, the exact opposite is true: conflict is unavoidable and useful, as Ed Tronic sais in "The Power of Discord". Or, better yet for practical application, "Getting to Zero" by Jayson Gaddis.

Both partners need the skills to deal adequately with conflict.

How a man polarises himself: into total autocracy (in her service)

The following text is from Zak Roedde's book for men "Don't let her lead", straight out of a traditional Christian´s group value-book, and do not let me mention facets of "The Handmaid´s Tale":

You as the man are responsible for making all of the expectations in the relationship. You decide the chores. You decide what behavior constitutes cheating. You decide how you both treat each other. You decide how your woman talks to you. You decide how problems are dealt with. You decide how children are raised. You decide on how money is spent and saved. You decide everything. And you need to make sure that your woman doesn't try to decide anything. When a woman has expectations and expresses those expectations in a relationship, she is leading. She is trying to set her expectations as ones that you are to live up to. She wants you to submit to her expectations. You must put a stop to this. A woman should not get to have expectations in a relationship. The relationship must be based on the man's inner vision. Your inner vision (DLHL, p 33).

This is based on the idea what a man's greatest need in a relationship is: "to lead and to be respected as the man in that role".

How a woman polarises herself: into radiance and submission

The key words for the woman's position in a relationship: submission and radiance.

A woman polarizes herself by becoming increasingly feminine. She becomes better at letting go of control, more emotionally expressive, more receptive to her man's gifts, and more radiant and joyful in her energy. She is always following her man. Every step of the way from the moment they meet until the moment they part ways or die. She respects all of her man’s decisions. She agrees to all of her man’s expectations. She respects her man’s boundaries. She does as she is led to do. She trusts her man’s lead. A radiant feminine woman does all of these things, but also has the self-worth and maturity to vulnerably express her feelings and needs without leading her man to do anything. She speaks up for her needs, but without asserting herself. She also is willing and capable of not submitting to any leadership that doesn’t consider her needs. She knows she deserves to receive the absolute best leadership and will not dishonor herself by submitting to less. When a woman polarizes herself in this healthy way, a man is inspired to strengthen himself for her with devoted leadership (DLHL)

Asking for permission to have a coffee

If you still don't believe your eyes, here a gem from his coaching group. One female group member dared to doubt that in a healthy relationship the woman should ask for permission to have a coffee when going out (as suggested by Zak in "Irresistibly Feminine".)

Here the quite dismissive and rude replies by Zak:

Once a woman let's go of the unhealthy compulsion to share power in the relationship, asking permission becomes liberating.
You are not have put your toes into the polarity pool
If you aren't interested in learning, don't waste my time responding to my comments..

Note how terms like "embodiment" and "polarity" are twisted and turned to be weaponised in this open quest for an authoritarian talibanesque relationship .

Feudal Guru Yoga

Of course, this idea of a relationship is based on a kind of feudal / guru yoga model:

Feudal: the lord has only the best interests of his peasants in mind, protects them against other lords, and most, against himself, and in return the peasants deliver the goods without running away or revolting. Well we saw how well THAT went.

Guru Yoga: It really reminds me of guru-yoga in the Tibetan mountains:

Never [act] contrary to the enlightened heart-mind [intention of your lama]. Do not cause him worry. Accept all his orders. Follow whatever he says. Don’t utter even a word that could strike his enlightened heart-mind or the corners of his eyes.

A former group member's conclusion: "Woman, shut up!"

Here is the accurate conclusion of a female ex-member of the group after figuring out what this all means:

It seems to be a lot about the woman being radiant and submissive, or basically, shut up and cater to what protects his ego.

Well observed, X.!


Zak Roedde

"Don't let her lead"

Relationship of your dreams


Facebook Group (free access)

Ed Tronic

"The Power of Discord"


A thought on...

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